if i don’t wake
up, just let me lay here -
at least until my mom
arrives, so she can see the smile
on my face – then say your prayers
and do what you will.

there once seemed a clear purpose for life. a defined set of obstacles to overcome, that once were behind you life in front of you would surely ease it’s way into a life-long feeling of bliss and control.

i must have been dreaming. nothing seems linear. not even the wisest man in the history of the world sounds like he has a solid understanding of what life is about. unless his acumen for sarcasm, or irony, or trickery, is much higher than anyone would hope to give credit for to any author that made it into the best selling book of all time. twelve chapters of more confusion.

if he can’t figure it out, what are we to do?

it’s been more than a month, at least it feels that way. time has trudged by. stuck in the mud of loneliness and wonder. i wonder if you’ll still love me, when you get back. i wonder if you’ll still want me, when you leave again. i wonder if you’ll still need me, when you look at me.

i fake at being a writer. putting words on a page, in hopes of someday supporting you. i wonder if you’ll love me when i fail. i wonder if you’ll still want me, when i become another worn out, unread scribe. i wonder if you still need me, when the page is forever blank.

the breeze don’t blow
through here anymore

suffocating hot.
skin at one hundred and
one degrees.

the breeze won’t blow
through here no more

mocks from the window sill
dances with the leaves
outside my walls

that damn breeze won’t blow
through here for sure

its trapped me with my thoughts
burning me up inside
it ain’t got no soul, no heart

that godforsaken breeze won’t blow
through here, i know

lost it’s wings at the hands
of the midnight wolf
bloodied and limp, that damn breeze

just lays there.

the breeze won’t blow anymore.

nothing to smile about
there is
nothing to laugh for
there is
nothing to hope in
there is
belief in the inevitable
there is
only that which is here

free to be you

it’s not who you aren’t
or who you want to be
even thought you’d be

it’s only who you are

every day

that’s who I love.

It’s the only you who I want to love
The only you I do love
The only you I will love

Whoever you are
Is who I love.

eyes like pools of hope
seeing straight to my soul

curled against my shoulder
huddled to my body

long beautiful lines of light brown
running out of room at fingertips of love

i could hold you for days
let time wash by

let it stand still, never let this change
never let this end

hold my hand
feel my love
rest your tired head on my chest
listen to my heart
beat for you

fight for you
with you

on the edge of the unknown
facing miles of hurt and pain
or a miracle just waiting to be praised

our lives forever changed

stay

I stare into the abyss. Alone. I left you behind, for your own good. You see. It was for your own good. There’s nothing here, except me. This is when you say, but that’s exactly where I want to be.

Hail

It rained and rained and rained. And then it hailed. I ran outside and stood in the hail, small white capsules of ice/rain. People looked at me like I had lost my cool as I walked back in to the restaurant, wet, happy, relieved. It hailed so hard when I was a kid that I cried on the way home from the park. My sister covered my head with her jacket, taking the beating on her exposed skin all the way home. She was a champion that day. I ran out in the hail and they laughed at me.