Forgetfulness and Faith

Washington, DC — the YMCA claims it is “the place to be!” I don’t know if it is talking about the YMCA itself, or DC. I like to think it’s talking about DC, actually, I like to think that when I saw that huge yellow sign today hanging from the YMCA it was God telling me, reassuring me, that this is the place to be — for me.

Doubt consumes me here. Sometimes I feel hopeless, like I will never find exactly what it is God wants me to be doing in this huge, strange, new city. I have only been here a little over a week, but the temptation to run, to go back to something normal, something easy, is constant, like I have been here for months already. What does it feel like to trust God completely? What does it feel like to wake up every morning and trust with all your soul that God has a plan for you that day? What does it feel like to not worry about what is to come in the next months, the upcoming year? More and more I am coming to realize that the search for the answers to these questions might be a big reason why I am here.

Everyone asks me, “Kevin” … “Yes?” … “So, what are you doing in DC?” To which I scratch my head and tell them blunlty that I don’t have any idea yet. The ministry here is pretty self sustaining, it is a blessing to those that work here that I am here, to help out where I can…do some of the grunt work to make life easier for them. But that isn’t why I am here, that can’t be it can it? The hosts of the house, Paul and Colleen Irwin are incredible people of God. They tell me that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do, and that anything I want to do they will support me…excuse me? So…I am supposed to figure out for myself why I am here? God works in funny ways. But these questions are secondary to the real question I have thought of since being here…

What more does God have to do for me to trust God with my life? To surrender…?

He has answered all my prayers in his way and in his time and in huge ways. He has revealed himself to me time and time again, leading me, guiding me, while I blindly follow, placing one foot after another, hoping and praying that he doesn’t leave me out there on that invisible bridge like Indiana Jones. He has orchestrated everything since Graduation beautifully, I couldn’t ask to be in a better place when I truly think about it: living for free in DC, at a place that is encouraging me to find myself in God, develop my personal faith, and giving me the freedom to do whatever it is I want. All while Law School awaits around the bend next year. And as a bonus, I am near people — one person (thdbw) in particular — that have been a surprise blessing in my life. What more could I ask for, maybe for the Mets, Rams, Blazers, and Westmont Baseball to all win their respective leagues, but lets be honest God might not even be able to do that.

God is good, all the time. That’s what I come back to every time I write this damn thing (blog). All the time God is Good. There are times of doubt, there are times of worry, there are times when it seems like God isn’t listening to my incredibly important worries!… but in the end, God is Good. I don’t know where you are (the readers of this terrible blog) in your life, at what “season” as white evangelicals “just really” love saying, you are at, but no matter where you are I can confidently say that all we can do is trust in God and pray, pray, pray that we will have the faith to follow where he leads. Remember the prayers that have been answered, remember the prayers that have been answered for friends, family members, so that we don’t forget that God is moving in our lives, actually doing things — a lot of the time in RANDOM RANDOM ways — that put us in positions to serve and glorify him.

DC is interesting. I have some ideas about what I might end up doing here, and I will write those here eventually, but I guess I had to say this instead this time. My friend good friend Justin is in Northern Ireland doing incredible things…my good friend Brent Boekestien just got back from a year in England where he got a masters in something with a long name…my good friend Corinn has let God mold her and change her in incredible ways…my good friend Cole Varvel is living in Chile doing God’s work…I say all these things to remind us, to remind me, that God does answer prayers…and when they are sincere and in his will, he answers them in incredible ways. All these people prayed before and during these times in their life that God would use them, change them, guide them, and he did, and he does.

So lets all pack our bags and drive across the country! No…that’s and idiotic idea, but, lets all pray that we would have ears to hear, and eyes to see what God wants for us, and when we get a glimpse, or hear a whisper, that we would have faith to follow. Isaiah 6:8

~ by kevinthomas on October 19, 2005.