drowning in dreams

Dreams are a strange thing. People have all kinds of explanations for dreams. Why we have them, what they mean, where they come from, etc etc. My theory is that we dream everything that is going to happen to us before it happens. Like when we go to sleep we are plugged into some kind of machine-thing that shows us what is going to happen in life. But it all happens so fast and is disguised in all kinds of weird ways, so we don’t realize it until we have deja’vu. But I also believe that math is based on imagination, and that it really doesn’t all add up in the end.

Anyway, I have been having some intensely frustrating dreams lately. One of the worst happened like this: I was swimming in a pool on a beautiful spring day. I dove into the water and swam beneath the surface. There I saw some friends, people I was really happy to see. But as I was going to resurface to get some air, this one particular person grabbed me by the ankles and wouldn’t let me go up for air. I freaked out and fought my hardest to get to the top, but the person wouldn’t let go. I struggled and kicked and yelled underwater, but nothing worked. I tried to force my way up, but I was stuck, drowning. Then I woke up breathing in deeply, my heart was pounding in my chest. I looked around to make sure I wasn’t under water anymore and laid back down…breathe in for 7 seconds…

In basketball coaches always tell you not to “force” things. Don’t force shots, passes, plays, everything. But at the same time, you have to put forth a lot of effort to do well. It’s a balance. That’s the same problem I have with life right now. Don’t force it. But put forth a lot of effort. Wait for God, but search for Him while you do. Pursue something, but let it happen naturally…hold for seven seconds…

I played basketball a week ago. I wish I was as good at life as I am at basketball. And that isn’t to say that I am great at basketball, but I am at least decent at it. And that is more than I can say about life. I can control the game. On Wednesday my team didn’t lose once, and when I am playing I forget about everything else. I don’t force it. I let the game happen naturally, but I put a lot of effort into it. After years of practice the game finally comes to me naturally…breathe out for 7 seconds.

Maybe these years are still the practice years. I am still in warm-ups, learning how to dribble, learning how to shoot, learning how to live. Someday I will get off the bench.

~ by kevinthomas on December 27, 2005.