Simple Math
I made a decision about two hours ago that I hope won’t turn out to be fatal. I chose to have lunch at 1 o clock instead of 12 30. That leaves me with 33 more minutes until I find something to eat in the garbage can behind the 1000 Potomac Street building.
Today I am a receptionist. They called me to the rescue this morning, and I responded, as any temp should. But now I am dieing. Slowly. My stomach is not only eating itself, it is actually trying to push my stomach lining up through my asophogus and out of my mouth, which makes it extremely hard to answer the phone and say, “Einhorn Yaffe Prescott.”
I ran out of Popeye’s chicken, so when I threw on my superhero suit and flew out the door there was nothing in the fridge for me to eat, I contemplated grabbing my favorite jar of jam and stuffing it in my pocket as I looked at all my roommates food overflowing out of the Frigidaire, but I thought it might look strange to walk into Einhorn Yaffe Prescott with a huge bulge in my pocket. They would ask me what was in there, and then I would have to ask them if they “want a taste?” which might get me fired, because really I should I preface that by saying that it is jam, not jelly, and that they should try some. And besides that, I didn’t want to ruin my 10 dollar pair of slacks I got from Wal-Mart, since there is already blood on them from some faceless sweat-shop kid in China.
In 25 minutes I must make the decision to either buy lunch, or pretend like I am fasting, because as I figure it buying lunch will cost me ten percent of my salary for the day:
Salary: 7 x 12 = 84 - taxes = 76+/-
Parking: 76 - 12 = 64
Lunch: 64 - 8 = 56
Gas: 56 - 5 = 51
roommates Birthday Dinner: 51 - 15 = 35
That’s a whopping $35 for 7 hours of work. I used to make that in one hour parking rich people’s cars in Santa Barbara, plus whatever change I stole from their ash tray.
A guy just walked by with a big tattoo, I want a tattoo, I wonder what $35 can get me? Probably just a butterfly right above my left ankle. That’d be cool.
Well. I must go, typing seems to take too much out of me, evidently a water-only diet doesn’t necessarily provide you with the essential nutrients to function. All is not lost though, I have credit cards.
kevinthomas
Being a receptionist is the best, I wish I could call you right now to hear you answer the phone. Maybe I’ll put my stalking skills to use, and figure it out.
you’re funny.
The onyl way youre going to move up that chain is by “workin it.” Why dont you wear that short skirt and that low cut top you were telling me about. I take it Chippendales didnt call back?
see now this is exactly why i can’t cut up any of my 18 credit cards. for emergency situations, you see. hope you are well, it was fun to see you that last time i saw you. xo kiks