Tiny Voices

There is a tiny voice inside of me, perhaps inside of you as well, that doesn’t believe in me. Trust me, it’s tiny. So tiny, that I don’t even know it’s there until someone points it out to me, someone in a book that has never met me shines a light on it and says see, there it is, now listen…

You can’t do it. What do you have to write about? Nothing. You are twenty-four. See, you even had to think about putting a dash between the twenty and the four because you suck so much at grammar, let alone life.

It’s there, the voice, saying these things to me, persuading me to stop, to give up, to aspire to be a desk jockey with benefits.

You will never make money writing. You couldn’t even get an A in english in high school, see, there you are again, you don’t even know if high school is one word or two. god…you are pathetic.

I am writing a book. It’s about searching for love and finding God instead. I think I can do it, I believe that it could be great, that it could help someone…what if my writing did help one person turn their life around, not even turn their life around, but just be happy for the time they are reading the book. I personally think that is worth it.

What are you good at? What do you think about when you are working? What does your little voice tell you that you can’t do, that you will fail, that it is impossible…

I think there is a voice like that when it comes to relationships as well.

She will never like you. He will never love you, he will leave you, he will hurt you, he can’t be trusted. She is too good for you. She will leave you. You can’t please her. You are too good for her. It’s not worth it, it’s too risky, take the safe relationship, take nothing.

Why is there a voice inside of us that doesn’t want us to be happy! Whose voice is it!?

People close to me doubt me. People very close to me doubt me. They say I should take that desk job, the one with all the benefits, and I admit, it would be nice to have health insurance right now, but. but. but. I can’t. Because that voice, that negative voice is tiny. And I am learning to yell over the top of it, to think beyond it, to act out of it’s control. I am learning to be me. God doesn’t want us to be sad. He doesn’t want us to be alone. Well, maybe he does. I am not sure of that one. Paul was alone. And he was…well, Paul. But that tiny voice is not God. That is someone else’s voice trying to extinguish your dreams. Don’t let God be muffled in your life by that tiny voice that lurks around your head and lashes out at you during your weak and vulnerable times.

Jon and Lesley Miller went to China six months after they got married. How awesome is that– Awesome in the true sense of the word. The tiny voice was screaming all the way to the airport I bet, but they chose to follow something else instead. And once that plane took off, the tiny voice was drowned out by the roar of the engines, at least for a little while.

~ by kevinthomas on May 12, 2006.