trying to understand You

The thing about doing what you know you should do is that the rewards are so far away. Or at least it seems that way. About a million years ago Paul wrote that he always does what he doesn’t want to do, and that he doesn’t do what he wants to do. Things haven’t changed much it seems. You always hear people talk about how good things were back in the fifties, how innocent and pure everyone was, how no one talked about sex or had sex or wanted to have sex and no one did drugs or had drugs or even wanted to do drugs because everyone had new homes paid for by the government, if you were a veteran, and white, and everything was peachy and everybody did exactly what they wanted to do when they wanted to do it. We all know that was a lie. But how much of a lie? People were getting hanged in church yards around that time. That’s how much of a lie.

Paul said he does things he doesn’t want to do, but I am not sure, I think it’s he did things, we do things, I do things, I know I shouldn’t do, but almost every fiber in my body wants to do them. There is one fiber in there that rebels, that raises it’s hand from the back of the room, clears his throat, and says, “hey guys, guys, I don’t know if we should be doing this.” All the other fibers turn around and throw pencils at him, then he goes along.

And yet we are still called children of God. Children of a perfect God. Made in the image of God. It is so hard for me to understand the grace involved in keeping me alive that most of the time, truthfully, I find myself not being able to believe it.

Some people in church have to wipe tears from their eyes as they sing the songs on the projection screen, their free hand in the air, the fingers closing and opening, straining towards the ceiling — they must believe it. They must love it. And at that time, in that moment, they must be thinking that they are doing exactly what they want to be doing…am I?

~ by kevinthomas on September 7, 2006.