Delusions of Grandeur

I had a dream last night, or the night before, or last week, all my dreams run into one from night to night, continuing off the last and on and on — the same places, the same trails, the same beach, the same roads — they all seem to run as one, a thousand marathoners stepping in time, breaking the finish line at the same time, but never.

I told Charles Barkley in my dream that “I am somewhat of a streaky shooter, but the difference is I used to only shoot if I was streaking, now I shoot till I start streaking.” It was brilliant.

Good things happen, bad things happen. Sometimes I wish it were a dream, all these things that are happening, so I don’t have to respond to them, the good or the bad, because just like in my dreams the next step will inevitably fall before me, the next thing that should be done will be done without my doing, outside of my will, outside of God’s will — they will happen, as dreams always do, without my doing.

I can choose to thank God, to praise God, to pray to God, in real life. While awake. While making decisions every day whether to be good or bad. In dreams it seems predetermined, meaningless, inevitable. In awake life we choose.

It lies just over the horizon, the last sand dune, the heat rising from the blowing sand, golden orange — the color of sand in the sunset. It’s grandeur. It’s there. It awaits you, He awaits you, calls to you through the breeze, the leaves that fall, resurrected with the sun. In dreams you run to it. In dreams you glide across the sand on clouds of storms. In dreams you reach it and tell it you will take it to the other side of the moon, the light side, the side that shines in the clear nights, the stars bowing prostrate to the craters. In dreams you aren’t scared of Him.

The difference is I used to only know I was streaky. Now I keep trying till I start streaking again.

I look towards the horizon, wipe the sand from the corners of my eyes, my eyelashes a soft shield, and dream of grandeur, filled with the sun.

~ by kevinthomas on November 10, 2006.