Awaiting sleep.

Waiting for sleep. Waiting for the pill to take effect, to kick in, for whatever part of my body to do whatever it needs to do to break down the little green pill, bulbous, and send the pills innards throughout my innards…all for sleep. And a little cough.

Two nights ago I lay in bed and waited for the same thing. I waited and waited and waited, and nothing was coming except anxiousness. Then I realized that I was dreaming about waiting for my last few tables at the restaurant to pay before I could let myself fall asleep…what a horrible dream. So I woke up, in real time now, and took another pill…it seemed like a good idea in my not-asleep-dream self. Again, I waited.

About 3 pm, two hours after I awoke the next day, the second pill kicked in, I rode the bus to work trying to stay awake. I dressed at work, took to the floor, and again found myself waiting for my last tables to pay until I could go home and fall asleep. What a cruel pill.

Waiting for action is a weird sensation. Waiting for that nebulous time in the near future when you may or may not move to lala land. Waiting to hear if a project you are working on may or may not take off. Waiting for life to catch up to your mind.

A few of my friends are waiting to go to school. Seminary, Law, Film. Waiting to learn. Waiting for life to catch up to their motivations.

And as I sit here writing this, my body feeling slightly separated from my head, the hands at the ends of my wrists feeling even more detached from my arms, I think I am beginning to feel the first effects of that little green pill. The one that when I swallow I can feel it slide down my throat…

Slowly the waiting becomes now, the life in your head the same life you are living in body, and I assume in time you wish you could turn back to that time just before the waiting ceased, because maybe in that time, in this time of waiting, some of the best living should be done.

Thoughts on the green pill…

~ by kevinthomas on May 15, 2007.