notes before sleep

the day i realized i only had three months left to live, in dc, in seclusion, in self-contained captivity, was today. tonight. in the mirror, shirt off. i saw who i had become. am i ready to show the world? to accept and move forward? today i realized i must. who will accept me? who will smile and wave, from afar, from a distance too far to be traveled? a bridge unable to cross. who will accept me, who will they love? can i be your lover, can i be your friend, can i be your child, your brother, your cousin? two years. has it been long enough, too much time or not enough? irreparable damage or beautiful growth? journey to death, too black to see, trapped by my own nightmares, no air to scream? or life giving light, transformation, and obstacles conquered? movement forward or recession, receding to places they will not want to reach me? choices made, friendships lost? choices made, family forgotten? am i ready to move back? would it be forward? scribble this upon my heart, in the morning show me where to start.

~ by kevinthomas on September 19, 2007.