on leaving

On leaving, on gathering your things, be them as little as they are, and leaving. leaving everything behind for everything in front. or everything that you hope is in front of you. of me.

i could leave everything here, everything physical, everything i can see and touch and sit on and sleep on and watch Real World on, and i would be fine. i can find all that wherever it is i am going. but it’s the uncertainty of how i will replace all the rest, all the rest of the things in life that make it worth living for, be them as little as they are.

wherever it is i’m going.

wherever it is i think i’m going.

when leaving becomes too much to think about and consumes every thought you don’t want to think, every thought that needs to be thought in order to make the actual act of leaving doable. that’s when leaving becomes a thing, not an act, not a decision, but a thing that feels and acts unlike any other time you leave, anywhere. that last time you walk out the door, of work, of home, of your favorite bar, your favorite restaurant, that is a thing. that is not just leaving.

wherever it is i’m going.

~ by kevinthomas on October 9, 2007.