muted hearts

she doesn’t want to believe me. is it the tone of my voice? maybe because she can’t see my eyes, the phone line can only say so much of what you’re saying. she doesn’t believe me when i tell her i don’t want her to go. that this is hard for me too. she doesn’t want to hear it. and that’s the only thing i can hear. wrapped in emptiness, looking for something to throw in the void to keep the body busy. it’s how we all feel. isn’t it? the resounding silence from the crowds that look on tell me i’m wrong. but no matter what they don’t say, i still feel it, i still want to feel it so that she’s not alone, so that i’m not alone, so that we all aren’t all alone in this.

she won’t believe me no matter what i say. words from other tongues in different times are too loud in her ears. pain from different hearts have calloused mine, but that’s not the only thing i want her to hear, that’s not the only thing. it’s complicated. i wish i could stay with you, with your decisions, your actions, but it’s within me, the thing that says i can’t. and i know it’s right. you are not the victim, we all are. life takes it’s tax for every year we live. some more than others. it’s never a fair tax.

i want you to hear me when i cry. maybe then you will know. it’s here for now. but it will pass. you will forget those moments you remember to think of me. and i will find another broken smile to try and fix. it’s all so expected by now.

is that why you can’t hear me? can you hear me? are you listening? does anyone ever listen anymore?

~ by kevinthomas on March 24, 2008.