Steps towards it

I had to take a deep breath today and decide, again, that this is what I want to do. This? Yeah, this. This is what I want to do. I want to write.

Every step you take towards that goal, no matter how far apart those steps seem to be, it makes you realize just how much farther you have to go. With every step you have to decide, again, that this is worth it.

Panic. Every step I take closer to the goal, feels like a step farther out on a ledge, a ledge I built, decided to walk towards, and decided it would be okay if I fell. But what if it does work out? Then those last few steps come quicker, they become running, sprinting towards that ledge, those steps become jumping into the air and possibly flying, or feeling like flying…even for just a second. That would be worth it.

I don’t know if I will be able to find anyone that is willing to walk towards this goal with me, but maybe that’s part of what this is all about. What am I willing to sacrifice to make this happen? Can it really be considered a sacrifice? Isn’t it just timing? Will it not work out no matter when and what…I can’t think about that. That’s the real cause of panic in this whole situation. Until then? Just a lot of sleepless nights. That I chose.

~ by kevinthomas on April 24, 2008.